Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Thoughts on adoption & tugboats

So I was up again thinking in the early hours of the morn. Emma, the dog, woke me up b/c she was having a doggy dream. Bad thoughts and uncertainties surely creep in at that time. I started thinking that maybe we will never get to bring home our next baby, everything is so out of our hands and it is really frustrating. I wonder if maybe we are OK as a happy little family of 3. Simone is so great & life is really happy for us. Going into this the second time I just thought it would be so much easier, emotionally, than it had been with Simone. Ya, wrong- very wrong- there, this seems just as bad! It's getting harder too, waiting just to go on the list to wait! So, I started thinking about how much we all go through to bring our little ones home when we adopt. I realized, not for the first time, that my parents went through the same thing for my brother and me. Wow! I always knew I was adopted, it was a very open & honest subject within our family. But how, well that was another story. I never thought of a birth mom/dad, I had a mommy & daddy already. I don't remember if my bro, Chris, or I even asked about birth parents(of course until we were older, and even then it was no biggie, just curiosity) I remember my parents would always tell us how much they wanted children, a family, and so they had chosen to adopt. So my little mind always pictured them just "choosing me". I pictured them walking up to a hospital nursery window and going, "well, that one over there is kinda cute, oh yes, the one with the big nose, we choose that one". That's just how I always pictured how I came to be...
although I do remember another version. Not sure if my Dad told it a lot or if it just stuck after one time but here is how it goes. My parents were at a friends house located on a canal for a cookout. They saw a small tugboat come chugging up the water with a big pink banner saying "It's a Girl" on it. They just knew it was their new daughter, as they had been waiting for me. My Dad scooped me out of the tugboat, said "Jenny's here", and the rest is history!
So my thoughts come back to our next baby, and I've concluded I'll take my chances, let my emotions go and wait for our little tugboat, too! J


Paul and Heather said...

After 2+ years...I didn't think our tugboat was ever going to come...and just when I thought I couldn't make it through another day...we got that call. Hang in there sweetie. It will happen.

Lisa said...

I just thought this post was lovely and so timely. I remember discussing some of those very same things with Scott when we were considering #2. When "we" were just a couple, it almost seemed easier to pursue our adoption dream; becoming a blessed 3 "we" meant extra considerations both emotionally and financially.
Thank you for opening this discussion. I can say that we are thrilled beyond words that we ultimately decided to await that tugboat ( LOVE that story too! ) one more time! And you will too!!
Hugs and hang in there!
Lisa C.

Teresa said...

My cousins were adopted 40+ (cough) years ago and my aunt and uncle have always been forthright with their stories. No secrets. I remember my cousin telling me that she was told she was asleep when the social worker brought her to them, laid her in her crib and when she woke up, she smiled at them. They said, "Oh, I guess she likes us!" :) And indeed, she did and still does.

My cousin gave me wonderful insight into the mind and heart of an adoptee. Fortunately, she and I have been close in age and heart for many years so that foundation made it easy for her to talk about her adoption honestly to me. We both now know that God made us cousins for a reason.