Yep...today marks seven weeks from the time we learned of our first ruling.
I had been reluctant to post this, First because I totally dislike the thought of the latest update being moved down,
and Second because I don't want to post negatives about this time in our adoption journey- this time that should be full of those last minute jittery feelings, the flurry of packing, rushing to book flights and hotel rooms. Moments that should be spent thinking of the expectations of this wonderful trip our family of three should be making to become four...the excitement of meeting our son.
But I have this lump of dread instead. I've lost the feelings of hope, feelings of an end in sight. I can't even bear to go in his room any more.
And so here I vent, maybe as a way to get it off my chest, this weight, or maybe as a way to remember this time in the years that come- to remember how hard the wait was, to help better appreciate all the days that will follow.
We were told to expect a wait of 4-6 weeks to hear word of a final and to make travel plans. Many of our blog buddies and JOH friends received their final rulings after only 3 weeks, so we optimistically thought we'd be in Taiwan with Samuel Wei-Che by now, or even home with him.
But no. We are not. Those six weeks -and then one-have come and gone.
So let's just add it up-
Seven weeks have passed since the 1st ruling, 19 weeks since our hearing and almost 7 months from the time we first saw a glimpse of our son.
I know it will happen...we've got to be closer today than we were yesterday, right?
But still, it's emotionally draining, waiting here for word that our son is legally ours and we can take that big trip across the waters to join with him. And to me it seems so cruel and unfair to allow a court process to go this long, to allow this baby to become attached to another while waiting for a ruling to be file. While I am so very appreciative of the obvious love and attention he is getting and will be forever give thanks to his foster family- it is time for him to be with us.
So yes, I know I'll be shouting from the rooftops with joy when we do get word, but for now...well not so much. And I know when he is finally with us this will seem petty and small, or at least I tell myself that.
I hope it does.