Monday, September 28, 2009

Seven Weeks... marks seven weeks from the time we learned of our first ruling.

I had been reluctant to post this, First because I totally dislike the thought of the latest update being moved down,
and Second because I don't want to post negatives about this time in our adoption journey- this time that should be full of those last minute jittery feelings, the flurry of packing, rushing to book flights and hotel rooms. Moments that should be spent thinking of the expectations of this wonderful trip our family of three should be making to become four...the excitement of meeting our son.

But I have this lump of dread instead. I've lost the feelings of hope, feelings of an end in sight. I can't even bear to go in his room any more.
And so here I vent, maybe as a way to get it off my chest, this weight, or maybe as a way to remember this time in the years that come- to remember how hard the wait was, to help better appreciate all the days that will follow.

We were told to expect a wait of 4-6 weeks to hear word of a final and to make travel plans. Many of our blog buddies and JOH friends received their final rulings after only 3 weeks, so we optimistically thought we'd be in Taiwan with Samuel Wei-Che by now, or even home with him.

But no. We are not. Those six weeks -and then one-have come and gone.

So let's just add it up-
Seven weeks have passed since the 1st ruling, 19 weeks since our hearing and almost 7 months from the time we first saw a glimpse of our son.

I know it will happen...we've got to be closer today than we were yesterday, right?
But still, it's emotionally draining, waiting here for word that our son is legally ours and we can take that big trip across the waters to join with him. And to me it seems so cruel and unfair to allow a court process to go this long, to allow this baby to become attached to another while waiting for a ruling to be file. While I am so very appreciative of the obvious love and attention he is getting and will be forever give thanks to his foster family- it is time for him to be with us.

So yes, I know I'll be shouting from the rooftops with joy when we do get word, but for now...well not so much. And I know when he is finally with us this will seem petty and small, or at least I tell myself that.

I hope it does.


Mike said...

I know it's really tough, but I just wanted to say hang in there. We were in your position not long ago - our daughter has been with us since August 17. Our wait times where very close to yours as well. Of course with all of that waiting, we had only 3 days to make arrangements and leave for Taiwan! I know the only thing that will really help is when you have your boy with you, but just wanted to say hang in there and hope you hear good news very soon.


couey2007 said...

I know how hard this process is, even though I had a "fast" judge. I still felt frustrated that I could not get on a plane and go get Brooke! This day will happen. Start focusing on what to pack, look up plane fares, ect. He will be coming home SOON!!!

Michelle C, AL
home with Brooke 12/08

Mark & Kris said...

Jennifer, your final ruling has to be coming soon!!! Hang in there and know that I am praying for you and your ruling!! Samuel will be home soon!!

Robin said...

Hey- You have every right to complain. The waiting is really, really hard. Even though logically you know that you will bring your baby home your heart just longs and weeps o hold your baby. We had a longer stretch waiting for ur hearing and that was brutal. I can look back now and see how sad I was in the waiting process. I didn't even now how it was affecting me until it was over. Your final ruling is coming and I will request it from the universe right now.

Hang in there we are all pulling for you and Sam.

Lisa said...

Oh my friend,

Not a single one of us reading this thinks your feelings are small, petty or anything less than valid.

The truth is, its tough....really tough. We waited almost 5 1/2 mos. which at the time was on the longer end, but now seems like a cake walk by comparison. I was tearing my hair out awaiting our Final Ruling, so I know well the feelings of dread, frustration & even anger. My heart aches for you....for baby Sam....for all of you. I wish there was something I could do to wake this pesky judge up! I wish I could help....

I will join all the others in sending positive vibes out to wherever they need to go or wherever they may land.....Baby Sam needs to come home!

Just know that there are many of us thinking of you, hoping, praying & wishing your good news along..... Hey, I'm not above a foot stomping and/or classic temper tantrumm if it gets results!

I know your good news is coming.....your time for travel preparations, anticipation & joyful roof shouting IS coming & is long overdue!

*big hugs* Pleaes let me know if I can help!!

Brandon and April said...

oh my goodness are we ever right there with you. We're still waiting on our court date (the one that we wait for the final ruling from) just to be issued...and we've been waiting for 9 weeks now. R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S!!! I can totally say that I have such empathy for you. I know that our hearts ache in the same manner each day...just waiting on IT to happen!! The lack of control that we have and the AMOUNT that these judges have is so heart breaking!! We have our children that we see and hope for and they have a file on their desk that has very little significance to them!! It is so very sad of a process!! All that being said...I will pray for your family as I pray for movement of our sons case!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Jen,
You wrote exactly what I am feeling as well - though you are much closer to bringing him home than you realize. I know it doesn't feel like it - whether it's 3 weeks or 3 years. Hang in there - you will have your family complete very, very soon!
Lisa Grimm

w8tn42and3 said...

Waiting is so stinking hard. I was simply wishing my life away and thought that my day to celebrate would never come. I watched as Michelle and Robin who got their referrals the same week as we did get their rulings, make travel plans and go be united with their daughters. Of the three of us we were last to be united with our child. Sometimes it was hard to feel joyful for others when they received what you so desperately want... but I learned so much from the two of them and others. I took endless notes and was very well prepared for our trip to Taiwan. Heck, I even read 2 library books about Taiwan to get my facts of the day! In the end... I wouldn't have had it any other way! Keep smiling. I can't wait for YOUR news to break so that I can live your joy with you!


Terry said...

Hi there, I'm thinking of you, wishing I could make it all right, get your final, and help you finish packing. I can tell you that your feelings are not petty or small, they are real, and that you are not alone! Venting helps all of us help you! Your final will come in soon, and then these rough days will seem even smaller.

Remember that you have friends all around you and they are here to support you. Samuel will be home in your arms soon!

Sending good vibes to Taiwan for news! XOXOXO

Anne Marie said...

Oh, this is truly the pits :( I wish I could do something to get this judge to move, or in the absence of that, at least something to make time move faster from your perspective. Fingers, toes and hairs crossed that this is *finally* your week!

Melissa said...

You have waited long enough and that judge needs to make a ruling! I hope it happens any day now.