And then it hit me...

Yep, the moment I've been waiting for. Well, not the BIG moment, I mean I haven't gotten "the call" yet. But in order to tell you this I just have to start at the start and tell you it all.

We've had unusually cold weather here in East Tenn. I read a news headline that said "Y'all, its frigid in the South", and in this part of Tennessee we consider ourselves Southerners. I mean, you order an iced tea and it's going to be "sweet tea", we love to say y'all and some of our men are comfortable in bib overalls and like to talk about their tractors...but I digress.

So in my infinite wisdom I decided that at night it may help to keep the house warm if I close all of the curtains and blinds (it at least makes it appear warmer and feel snugglier). And here I am going through the house shutting us in and I went into the spare bedroom. Now that room will eventually become the baby's nursery, we just haven't bothered to even start changing it yet, too much expectation there if we did. But the crib is up and shoved in a corner because for our photo pages for the adoption we had to show the nursery completed. So we put the crib up with a wall hanging (a gift from Auntie Annie) above it, moved the dresser out of the way, put a rocking chair and a bunch of stuffed animals next to the crib and bing bang- we had our nursery photo. And well, we just haven't taken the crib down, since it'll eventually be in there anyway.

So as I'm closing the blinds in there and I see the crib and it hit me, finally... for the first time I felt the baby. I had that pang of wanting, knowing someday soon I'd be tucking him in and kissing his soft cheek and feeling my gushes of love for him (ahem, or her). I could see me carrying him in his little Ergo carrier (thanks to my JOH pals for enlightening me to the Ergo, can't wait to finally purchase it!), and I can start to envision this new family member with us. I started to think about car seat placement and nap schedules and baby food and changing diapers (Yuck!) and how it would be to take both of my darlings to the children's museum (where we took Simone yesterday with two of her BFF's-fun times). Now I am finally ready for this addition- I know it'll be soon and I feel so ready to become a Mama again. I don't know if it's seeing my blog pal Lisa's pictures of her beautiful and peaceful nursery for her very soon to be home son, or if it is the inspiration of the other's in my JOH group picking out paint colors and buying bottles and cloth diapers that got me here. Or maybe I had to get here myself before I can get our referral, you know, like Karma...

I've been having such a hard time waiting to get that magical phone call, it's all I can think about and I really have been getting sad and disappointed each night when it doesn't come. I think maybe I wanted the call so it could feel more real, so I could fully feel like we are adopting again. Another adoption just seemed like this abstract idea, like something that may come through, may become a reality...until now. Now I am ready to bond with my little dumpling. And yes, I am still scared of all of the challenges that will come and how our lives will yet again change so much. But you know, we did it once and it was the most wonderful and awe inspiring decision we've ever made. Simone changed our lives in ways that I never ever imagined. She is the most incredible gift of love and I enjoy every moment of being her Mama. I know that our next little one will double our joy and enrich our lives even more, I can feel it.

OK, so that's my story, that's what finally hit me. J

And PS Simone has chosen the name that she would like for her baby brother, its "Chip". Yep, Chip.